Hi Diary,

Well, I am feeling a little less freaked out. After I wrote that last entry, I met Emily for dinner, and told her all about it. Just being able to talk to SOMEBODY about it made me feel better.

I actually was a little calmer after Wis called me yesterday... after a few hours of wondering if I made a fool of myself.

I guess I was just panicking, because I've just been in this mode where I pretty much run my life the way I want it- work, come home, be alone, work etc. Not much penetrates my world unless I want it to. But the development with Wis was pretty unexpected. It kind of put in my face that I don't expect anybody to really be into me. I long for it, and occassionally I will get pissy because I feel I'm worth it, but when it's staring me right in the face I have trouble that some guy would actually call me BEAUTIFUL (I think of myself more as average) and lovely and smart and funny and all that. I can think that, apparently, but it's not okay to have somebody else think so.

So after talking all about this with Emily, I felt a bit better. We went out to dinner (she paid, as always... she's the one with the job and the money...) and we talked about many things: her trouble with Hal (which is slowly abating), a little bit about Wis, and some about Aleda. She's a common topic too, Emily's just had enough of her and she's nice to her and everything, but is shutting herself off from Aleda's criticism.

Today I saw Pansy, she met with me to discuss how I could better my business. She knows a lot about loans and grants and all that kind of stuff. I hope we can figure out something to help me. Afterward I worked, and that went okay.

Wis and I have plans for Saturday. He asked me to call him tonight, and I did after work. He said, "There's only one day between us." meaning we will get together soon. I think that's really sweet, that he thinks like that. I'm really looking forward to it to. Sometimes I just like to think about him, holding me and kissing me last weekend. It was really nice.

Okay Diary, I'm on my way to bed. Much to do tomorrow.

Love,
Duck

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