Dear Diary,

Well, here I am again. Yesterday I was incredibly grouchy, just a result of not sleeping these last couple of days.

I went to see my friend Raena yesterday, she is stuck at home after a surgery on her foot. I was late, of course, because I couldn't get myself out of bed and put together. Raena didn't mind so much, being bedbound, and time probably not meaning much right about now. We talked and I painted her toenails, than I had to run some errands and meet a client. The whole day was a drag because it started to rain, I had no umbrella, and was literally standing in a puddle most of the time waiting for the bus.

I started to realize how tired I was, just from my grouchiness level. It doesn't help that I "forget" to eat, or leave the house with no food preparations or plan in mind, that I have to run from place to place and I don't make any plans to eat. Just sometime in the middle of the day I feel a plummet in my blood sugar and energy. I know I am exhausted when I rush into the first sandwich shop I see and can't understand the menu, all I can say it, "Don't you just have a turkey sandwich?" Because everything's so fancy this and that with special cranberry mustard aioli on an elliptical whole grain bun. Dang. Then I pay some exorbitant amount of money for some okay food.

I need to organize my life better around this, have my fridge stocked on a regular basis and just plan my food better.

I went to bed at a reasonably okay time, and feel slightly more rested today, although I could probably still use a nap. I was supposed to go to Molly's today, but, as usual, now I am just feeling like I'm not going to have the time. I was supposed to call Molly at the beginning of the week, which I didn't, and she didn't call me. I was still semi-planning to go there today, if I got up early enough. But now I would just still rather have the day for myself. It takes an hour and a half to get there, between the bus and walking, and I just don't feel like traveling all that time today, especially when I have class this evening. I suppose I could suggest Molly meet me somewhere, but now she has the new baby so I guess that wouldn't be an option. It's always been that I come to her, and she stays where she is.

I really need to go to the bank, and pay some bills, and do other stuff, so actually I would rather focus on that than ride the bus all day.

I have been adding to my profile little by little, I still have only been contacted by bachelor #1 and #2, but at least through my email interaction with them, I have learned what I don't want. Bachelor #2 seems nice enough but just seems to write straight with no imagination, he doesn't seem to have anything witty or humorous to say, basically I don't feel engaged at all through email, just boring stuff like, "I am a fun guy and I like hanging out." Uh, okay, what a personality! And he keeps pushing to meet, and wants to have dinner. I have to ask myself do I really want to spend time giving him a shot. So many times I have gone out and realized within the first 30 seconds that this is going nowhere. Ugh. I think I already know my answer here-- what's the point?

I blatantly asked what it was about my profile that appealed to this guy, and he said because I was cute and I like travel. Well, buddy, just thinking I am cute is not going to get us anywhere. That's part of the problem. I really want a guy that can offer me something and engage my sense of humor. I took time with my profile to show my interests, my intelligence, my sense of humor, my beliefs, etc. This guy maybe answered less than a quarter of the questions on his profile, and has told me even less about himself through email. But for some reason guys think you're "cute" and that will be enough- ugh they can be so clueless. I think so many guys think women are "girls" - fluffy, silly, easily amused and gullible.

It always amazes me what some guys can think, so at one point I checked out these websites on speed seduction- these guys have their own rendition of "The Rules"- but it's all about getting sex from a woman, not relationship. Anyway, the advice from one of the authors was: "When emailing, don't use the style of breaking up her last email and answering point by point- it's too logical and chicks can't follow it." Well, really dumb chicks, I guess. I'm tired of the sort of guys that think all women are dumber than they are... fuckers.

So, I'm not wasting my time, I'll wait till I get a response from someone who can keep up with me.

That's all for today, I guess.

Love,
Duck

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