Hi Diary,

How's it goin'. It's a little rough on my end. I am trying to be so organized, but don't think I am really succeeding.

I have many, many things to accomplish before I leave for El Voyage Grande, henceforth to be known as EVG, next week. Just the fact that I am THINKING about preparing myself is pretty amazing.

I was trying to work, and answer my sister Delia's email, and answer client's emails, and organize my calendar and my outline for my mentor and make sure some bills were paid etc, etc, and several programs on my computer just quit, *kerplop!* and then I would have an idea of another thing I had to do and go to open another window and forget why I did that- I do that quite frequently- I need to learn how to write things down or my head may blow off. Also, prioritizing would be a fine skill to acquire anytime in the near future.

Be that as it may, true to form I am sitting here preparing for my presentation tomorrow, dawdling away and writing to you. I am feeling ultra-stressed about Sunday's event (when actually it might behoove me to focus more on Saturday...) although I'm sure I'll pull something together. I am the Master of Pulling Sketchy Ideas Together At The Last Minute (MPSITATLM). However, it is not always a fun way to live.

Also, I am crazy, riding the emotional roller coaster of the Girl On Break (GOB)- excuse the abbreviations but I just can't stop- and one minute I am feeling happy and confident because I am convinced that a couple of hang-up calls mean my boyfriend loves me and misses me, and the next I am not so sure at all and I am dangerously close to doing some hang-up calls of my own. I found myself desperately searching for some kind of comfort and called several friends, but people are worn out from their week or in the middle of something and not available in that way... I feel like I am losing it, so I know it's time for me to go do some positive visualization and maybe just cry if I need to, but I am avoiding it.

I think I started on this landslide when I mentioned to my sister Delia that I was considering moving one town over, and that would put me one hour closer to M. This is somehting that I had been rolling around in my head for a few months, and never actually talked to M about. Just a fantasy- that it would make things easier for both of us to be just a little bit closer.

Well when Delia heard that she went into big sister protective mode and said that why should I move to a whole other place to be with a guy who's not sure and trying to get his life together?

Of course when I hear it like that, I start to ask myself if I am really ridiculous and fooling myself the whole way along. But really also it is hard to describe your relationship to anybody. Delia has never even met M and she has all these ideas about who or what he is... she doesn't know his energy. And of course I fall in love too easily so now I am too close and maybe too accomodating.

Who knows?

Today I woke up not feeling best, and had a long conversation with Stacey. She is doing okay and loves her baby but is sorry she ever married her husband (the only reason they got married was because of the pregnancy). Then I had to get myself together to go meet Steffy and Emily. I was very grouchy about it because I thought we were meeting at 12 and they changed the time to 11. I just find myself running and running all the time, and why didn't I say, "Eleven doesn't work for me."? Because my boundaries suck, that's why.

I think I felt particularly awful because I must have eaten something I'm allergic to last night. Dairy might be the next thing to be removed from my list of dietary no-nos...

I ran some errands and even stopped by the bus station to get my tickets for tomorrow morning. No standing in line at 8am for me.

And that brings us full circle back here to the Land of Stress.

(insert witty saying here)

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