Dear Diary,

Woke up this morning thinking of M. Earlier than I should. I felt like he must have been thinking of me. We can have such a psychic connection at times- he's often said he knows when I'm thinking of him.

Finally I was able to drift off to sleep, and I had a dream I was walking with, and then chasing, a very small dog, a daschund. I followed him up a very big, elegant staircase, and in the middle I had to plunge my hand into a pile of sand. I could feel, down in the sand, a small box, and it was tough to get my fingers wrapped around it. I struggled for some minutes, feeling my fingers not quite able to grasp it, but in the end I was able to retrieve it.

By that time I had lost sight of the dog, although I felt I would catch up with him, and woke up.

I don't know what was in the box, because I hadn't bothered to look in the dream. But what did strike me about this dream was, I was ACTUALLY ABLE TO "GET" SOMETHING- quite different. If you remember I often have a lot of dreams about losing things, having them slip away from me. Even though it was dicey and I wasn't sure I could get it, I was able to pull out that box.

What does the dream dictionary say?

"To see a dog in your dream, indicates a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. Alternatively, dogs may symbolize intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. Your own values and intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and succeed."

"To see sand in your dream, signifies a shift in perspective or a change in your attitude."

"To dream that you are searching for something, signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. You may be searching for a solution to a problem."

"To see a box in your dream, signifies your instinctual nature and destructive impulses. Alternatively, you may be trying to preserve and protect some aspect of yourself. The box may also symbolize your limitations and restrictions."

Yes, once again, nothing I understand. Dream dictionary doesn't really account for all these things mixed together, and some of the symbolisms are pretty ridiculous. I would venture a guess that whoever writes those things has just made them up and they're not really based on any kind of intrepretative formula. Still, it's like the National Enquirer. I have to look at it!

And speaking of interpretations, I made an appointment for a "reading" last night. Red had a reading with this woman who supposedly communicates with your soul, to find out what your soul's purpose is. He really liked his reading, as he has been trying to figure out what he is going to do with his career. She also told him that he will move and meet his soulmate in that state... a lot of stuff. He was very happy with it all and felt it was right on. He said he didn't feel like she was giving her own personal opinions, and that it felt very open and supportive.

I decided to go for it, even though it's rather expensive. She also tells you about matters of the heart, and if it helps to bring me any clarity on this matter with M, I will be happy. Maybe what she tells me will make me feel there is a chance, maybe that I am supposed to be with someone else, and it will make it easier to let go. I don't know, but I'm willing to try whatever it takes to get to the answer of the issue. I've already told the Universe that I will do whatever growing I need to do if I am meant to be with M- and that I am trying my best to entertain the idea that there might be someone else out there for me.

So, this lady is so busy that she can't actually do the reading until next week... so... more suspense! Don't you love it?

I'm going to see Kate soon, and made plans to meet Steffy afterward. I really should stay home and clean, and work, but... I guess I just felt like I should make a date with Steffy. Turns out that Matt FORGOT her birthday- so she forgave him. Even though I think it's just a testament of his lameness. They've been going out for over a year- he has already been to one of her birthday parties- don't you think he could have made an effort to remember the date? What a lame-ass, I'm sorry. Of course I didn't say any of this to Steffy, but I think she is settling and waiting and hoping for him to be a better person.

I know, not that I should say anything about waiting. Maybe some who've been reading this have the same judgments about M, and why don't I just let him go already. I guess everybody has to go through their own lessons, in their own time.

So, good luck to all of us.

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