Dear Diary,
Work today, and feeling good about it. Things went well as expected today. I am getting ready for a full week, including Serena's class on Friday.

Have had on and off again feelings of agitation about M not calling me back- it's not at all like him to not return a call. And I can laugh at myself because again I have found something to be frustrated about that I cannot control- I want to tell him that I'm letting him go, dammit! Why doesn't he call me back so I can leave him? Ha ha.

But finally I have calmed down again. Realizing that yes, perhaps M is afraid I will try to seduce him, but also, yes, maybe he is afraid to see me because that will be hard for him. He is not well, that is plain to see. Perhaps we won't get to see each other in the flesh for many more months- but no matter, I have to let go regardless, I have a date on Wednesday... the whole thing is just moving forward, and if he won't participate with me, I'll just have to do it myself. Maybe someday we can have a parting ritual, but until then, I'm on my own.

It's not so bad. Amazingly, after so many days and nights of pain, sadness, and craziness... I feel pretty calm.

Now again it's gotten much too late, so I guess I have to go to bed. It feels good to release, to let go, to finally have some peace.

Love,
Duck

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