#2

Hi Diary,

I cannot sleep. I'm afraid... last night I went to bed at 10:30pm, now I am feeling that same buzz in my head that is a particular sign of bad insomnia. What the fuck?

I forgot to mention another part of my dream... I can't remember where it fell, but there was a point when I was in the kitchen (still in my parents' house) and M came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. The whole dream was confusing because M was vaccillating between warmth and coolness (much like life). Now he had his arms wrapped around me and was kind of rocking me side to side. I was trying to find some stillness inside, but I couldn't because he was moving my actual physical body. It seems in this dream I was conscious of so many things- the realization of M's inauthenticity while I was brushing my teeth, the awareness of his fluctuating affections, and also this attempt to find stillness inside- to find the still and loving place in my heart so I could be there with M in a compassionate place. Things that I have attempted in real life. It was a pretty intense experience, that dream of mine.

And I am starving. I am supposed to be cutting down on my food, and I don't know if it's because I'm truly hungry or if I am bored and confused.

So, maybe more crossword puzzles?

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