Dear Diary,

What to say today... I am still thinking of M more than ever. Part of me fears that he will move away and I will miss any chance at all of ever connecting with him again. But, it has been said that if something is meant to be, really there is nothing that I can do that will fuck it up. Really. Actually...

So, I carry on. I do my thing. I try to sleep, but don't always do that so well. The pills that Petra gave me seemed to have stopped working, so for the last 4 days I haven't taken any. I'm hoping that after a signifigant break of not taking any, they will start to work again. I sincerely hope so, because I just ordered another 2 months supply.

I know my food has been terrible . I crave sugar continuously, and it is very suspicious indeed. It is much more than just a normal person wanting a little sweet treat. It is pretty much out of control massive binge eating. I know that I want to get back to a healthier existence- that means vegetables, salad, no wheat, no sugar... back to healthy eating. I am hesitant to believe in addiction as an excuse for anything, but at this point I may just have to say I am addicted. Something about sugar and about how once I start to eat it again, it is a slippery slope and is all over for me. I need to stop. Ugh.

I'm working tonight. I think my finances are getting better and will definitely have more money to go to my rent by the end of the month, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to pay my full rent. I have managed to pay my three monthly bills of internet, phone and credit card. I am going to send a check to Serena and get into integrity with her. I am borrowing money from B in order to take the dance workshop, and I still have to pay off my therapist. I still owe money to the dentist and my mother. I may need to take some money out of my savings to pay my rent. I guess it's all about prioritizing. I am doing my best.

That's all I can say. Is that all I ever say?

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