Dear Diary,

As my new friend casa-rosie points out, there seems to be a shortage of good erections in this town. I'm not talking about any old erections- I'm talking about the kind that are attached to good men, the kind you want to sit on and then have dinner with later.... or something.

Well as usual if I want to know what Elliot's erection's been up to, all I have to do is read his sexblog. This time he wrote about a threesome he had with two women, and it sounded really... boring. To me.

I guess I am over polyamorous life, I am over being triangulated, I am over people using sex in order to distract themselves from their feelings. I am done with people that close their eyes during sex.

Not that I don't have my fantasies and don't we all? But the chances of meeting someone(s) who has their shit together enough to actually show up on a conscious level with all this? Well I dunno.

At any rate, I am surprised at my observer-type of attitude about it all. Gail pointed out that if I did have a relationship with this guy, it would be similar to my relationship with Don. Which was rather unsatisfying on an intimate level, and he ended up freaking out and disappearing anyway.

So Elliot's kind of a mix between Alphie and Don. In my imagination I like to say that if I pass this test sufficiently, I will next get someone more like M, but different. Perhaps more available for long term relationship. We hope...

I guess everything will happen at the right time. I am really exhausted and I have to slow down. I feel so tired, all the time! I have been doing a lot of work on myself, and maybe now is just the time to integrate it a bit. The stronger I get within myself, the better my life will be. Maybe I am starting to trust a bit more?

I had a great conversation with Thomas yesterday, wherein I told him all about Elliot and how the energy felt familiar but I knew better this time, and I was doing better with having boundaries around things. Thomas said it is great to know I am so different from one or two years ago, and things are really getting better for me whether I notice or not...

Tomorrow I have class with Serena, so I really need to get some sleep!!!!

Love,
Duck

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