Dear Diary,

Well today was a tough one. I slept okay but still did not feel well. I called my therapist a couple of times and asked her to call me back. I wanted to see if I could possibly change my appointment without penalty... I also sent her an email and a text message, but she never called me back so I took a shower and went to therapy.

When I got there I asked her if she got my messages, but she said she lost her cell phone and hadn't checked her messages. Well, obviously. So there I was all congested and miserable there... we talked a lot about connection and how I need my space... more than anything I have trouble with women and constantly feeling invaded by them. But therapist also pointed out that I "withold" a lot... things go on and I don't say anything... just like the situation with Stacey and AG on Sunday night.

Well I know this is fact- but I also tend to freeze up in times of conflict, and that I cannot help.

After therapy I went and had a salad, which is a good thing because I had cookie dough for breakfast. Then I went to dance class but within 15 minutes of being there, I knew I was too sick to stay, and I gathered my stuff and left immediately. I wanted to stay, but as soon as the music started, I realized that I just didn't have the energy to dance!

I stopped and got a juice, and went home. I will try to sleep well tonight and hopefully tomorrow will be a new and better day.

Swing and I exchanged voicemails today, and he called me about an hour ago. We made plans for Saturday night. He said he will take care of everything as far as taking me out to eat and what we will do... that is very exciting for me and I told him so. He said, "I want to court you..." Who says stuff like this? Well so far Swing is doing really well. He seems to have a very good job, his own apartment, and in general be a grown up... unlike Elliot. Pretty attractive so far...

Earlier this afternoon I did speak to Elliot on skype. It was a quiet conversation because he was at work. He is very sweet and said, "You're a good girlfriend." Which was kind of shocking because I wasn't aware that I was his girlfriend. But then again I don't trust words with polyamorous people who throw around the phrases "love" and "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". He wants to go out too, as well as continue our conversation from last Sunday afternoon, so I suppose I'll offer that we can go out this Sunday night. I'm a busy girl!

My throat still hurts, and I'm pretty tired. Gonna drink some hot tea and go to bed.

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