Dear Diary,

Everything worked out okay for today. I got up around noon and went immediately to the bank- you don't know how many times I have gotten charged for overdrafted funds since my bank changed names... it must be that their computer systems run more slowly, but now I am paranoid and even though I just sent a deposit from paypal, I felt the need to run to the bank with cash today just to make sure a check I wrote on Friday was covered.

After that I came home and started cleaning. It was sorely needed. Irinia, of course, was an hour late. I knew she wasn't going to be on time, so that was okay. I cleaned the whole place and then she finally arrived. I was able to tell her that I didn't want to commit to doing anything monthly as far as work was concerned. Sometimes it is so hard for me to just tell the truth.

She did tell me basically that her sex life is not so great... she and her husband just got married this summer, so I feel that's too bad. I guess things could be worse for me. I guess I could have committed to something unsatisfying.

I spoke to Serena by phone. I value her opinion and wanted to talk to her about therapist, and see if this is really serving me anymore. She gave me some pointers and tips. I also told her about all the dreams I have about M. She said that the truth is I don't know how he feels, and I really don't know myself enough to know if my dreams are true. That seems sad but true... when Serena says it I don't even get mad, because... I don't know, when she says stuff, it doesn't come from a critical place.

I spoke with her about my intention (resolution?) to tell the truth.... and both these cases seem to call for that... ugh.

Gail called and so far her daughter-in-law has still not gone into labor... she isn't late either but the doctors are all gung-ho about inducing her and everything. It bugs me that they just can't let nature take its course. Gail even said the obgyn pulled out her daughter-in-law's mucus plug without asking... I think that is shameful indeed.

Gail also informed me that Sandra, from our training, is pregnant. Said Sandra was freaking out about how to tell her boyfriend, but really, I don't see why anyone was surprised at all. Sandra was not using birth control, they chose the pull-out method and he wasn't even pulling out all the time. Plus Sandra often talked about having a baby so much that I thought she was TRYING to get pregnant. So I really don't see how couples who don't use birth control can be surprised. Do they think they are an exception to nature? It's only been happening for thousands of years.

Whatever.

I got a text message from Adam asking if I was still interested in going out tonight. I was a little confused and called and told him so. I thought he had said he was going to call me on Sunday to go out Monday, but I never heard from him on Sunday so I made other plans. We might go out tomorrow, he is going to check and see if he has something to do for work. Well I feel bad this guy is getting the run around worse than all of them, but they really should be more on top of things, these men.

Elliot came over, with, get this, a huge arrangement of flowers. Certainly not what I was expecting at all. I was tired so he went down the street to the restaurant and picked up dinner. Then we cuddled and watched a movie, and then hung out and cuddled some more. I didn't feel much like kissing because my throat is still bothering me... I know... I was totally making out with Swing yesterday, but today... I just didn't feel like it. I don't think I have the same attraction for Elliot that I have for Swing. He just doesn't taste as good. And I kind of expected that we would have the "relationship talk" but then Elliot shows up all romantic and whatever. We didn't talk about it at all. Last time he made it sound like he had something to tell me... doesn't seem to be the case. I don't know. He is sweet... almost boyishly sweet. And he didn't want to leave. Took forever for him to go...

M never brought me flowers. That was something I hated.

How come the guys you don't fall in love with give you flowers?

And the guys you like ignore you?

Didn't hear from Swing today as expected... but I still think that was a very weird action last night when I was leaving. I can only guess that he is somewhat intimidated and trying to appear cool. Only men don't know that the harder they try to appear cool, the more of a dick they become. When will they learn.

And me... who knows... I'm looking forward to sleeping all day if that's what it takes to feel better!!

Love,
Duck

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