Dear Diary,

Yesterday morning I woke up with cramps about 9:30am. I was also very, very tired and feeling bummed out. The effects of the original acupuncture are not really holding, so I'm a bit disappointed about that.

The night before I had talked to Gail. She is back from her trip, helping her kids with their new house and simultaneously looking for her own new place. She says she's done with Craig... she wasn't answering his calls at all... and I guess he was going nuts with the calls and emails. But she finally called him back and said, it's done, and you need to do your work. You are not different than anybody else, and everybody needs to do their work.

I did notice that I had a strange number that dialed me and didn't leave a message. I blocked my number and called back and sure enough, it was Craig's phone... he is at it again, calling all of Gail's friends because he is completely collapsing... and then two days from now he'll be totally arrogant about how evolved he is. I feel for him, if he leaves me a message I will call him back, but I'm not going to dish about Gail and I will basically tell him the same thing: he needs to work on himself and get all his ducks in a row, period. Not even think about getting with Gail right now. He has too much stuff in his own yard, so to speak.

So yesterday I finished some tasks and called Smitten about noon. (Part of me cannot even believe that I am writing how early I get up and do things! - It's an insomnia thing...). He was in a meeting but picked up, because, in his words, "It's been a while." Meaning two days. But I could tell he was really busy because there were people in the background, and we only talked for a few minutes but it felt nice connecting with him.

So I am paying attention because this might be how it is to be with Smitten. He is a busy, busy guy and that just seems to be how it is... not much I can do about it. Of course also when he was here he was talking about getting an apartment here, and making his living here a bit more permanent than his main place now. I don't know what that means as far as travel, etc.

It doesn't matter because I have realized somthing that Steffy and I have discussed on numerous occasions: that it's necessary to date more than one guy until you find someone to be exclusive with. Otherwise it puts too much pressure on the guy you really like, and you will want to move things along too fast and said guy will either run or feel trapped.

Dating science. That's all.

So yesterday was fairly productive. I feel good about connecting with Smitten, and now I have plenty to do so I will wait till he calls me again sometime. I packaged up a few things I wanted to mail out - my phone bill, a package of clothing for Nia's son, and some baby clothes for a mutual friend of mine and Delia's... went to the post office, and then also dropped a baby gift off at my chiropractor's, because his baby boy is due to be born in two weeks. While there I made an appointment to have an adjustment on Tuesday, and I was looking at all the other services they have there, nutrition and acupuncture, etc... I am thinking about getting a blood test and a major overall consultation to figure out exactly what all my current health problems are and go about treating them properly. That is because on top of whatever exhaustion and adrenal problems I have, I have also been informed that I have symptoms of disc problems with the nerves that run down my legs and bother me. A lot of it is aggravated by sitting on airplanes, which of course is a concern because I do that at least twice a month. So I need to build up strength (back to the gym, and working with Bethany) to prevent more serious injuries from happening.

I went to Steffy's and gave her her birthday present, a few days early, because I couldn't wait and also I'll be working on her birthday. She was delighted by the present and in general just to hang out again. She told me about several men she had met through speed-dating, and other places, one in particular that she was excited about, but they hadn't really "dated" yet. She also told me that she had seen Matt- if you remember Matt was her ex-boyfriend that was really pretty lame, for a year and a half really never communicated or showed up in any real way... forgot her birthday last year... well I guess they'd been emailing back and forth and went to dinner. Then, ironically, Matt called her and told her she'd forgotten his birthday (the same f-in thing he did last year when they were DATING) so they went out again and now he wants to make dinner for her. She has an inkling that he might be interested in getting back together somehow, but she is really clear now that she wants marriage and children, and that was something that previously, he was not able to commit to. I don't care for him at all, as you know, and I doubt very much that he has changed... he probably just wants things the way they were before: to have sex without a condom, call her last minute, and be super lame. I hope Steffy can keep her panties on.

Steffy lives with two other women now, and their house seems like a lot of fun. Basically it's like one long continuous slumber party... talking about guys, dating, what to wear... they all know the intimate details of each other's lives, cook together sometimes and do other stuff. It makes me feel kind of wistful, but truthfully I know I could only last in that environment for a few days. I have extreme privacy issues and easily feel invaded; I don't do well with roommates (more fucked-upness from childhood, what can I say). But there's a part of me that wishes I did, because it seems fun with all the girls. Steffy, her roommate Jen and I cooked dinner while the third roommate Tamika went out on a date.

Dinner was great and about the time we were finishing up, Tamika returned and told us all about the date (which was simply drinks and basically a flop). That was fun too, discussing guys. I told them my rules about texting and emailing from guys which they all really liked, because they found that to be frustrating to them too.

They are also pretty inspiring because all three girls went to speed dating and they all have tons of dates now! So I think I will go. Just to give it a try. Maybe now I am really ready to test the waters and explore a bit. Yes, I love M and have a mad crush on Smitten, but I'm not getting anything from those two guys, so might as well stir it up and at least test it out these days. Don't ask me when I will find the time to do this, either.

At any rate, I came home pretty happy, talked to Elliot on the phone, then Bethany and Marva on a conference call (we do that often and it is lots of fun) and then Keith. I told Keith about my frustration with this "disease" and he was sympathetic. I guess it's just a matter of continuing to move on.

Today, I'm going to do my best to get Keith's package in the mail, bake a cake, go to the gym, stop by to see Elliot, and go to work. That's a lot. I've got to get going. Oh, and I have to do my PT exercises, but maybe I could incorporate those into gym time.

I have already eaten my salmon and salad for breakfast, even though I originally burnt my salmon... and taken my iron and Vitamin C. Still have to take my calcium and Vitamin D etc. Wow I'm so friggin' healthy. Today. Let's see if I can keep this up.

Love,
Duck

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