#2

So.

After my last entry, I made some gluten-free brownies. Which you would think might make everything better. What I probably should have done is some major anger release, but- that's neither here nor there.

Then I flirted online at FB with Jerry for about two hours. Then of course at the last minute I got ready to go to work. Ginny was not there, since she had some kind of weather problem and couldn't get a flight back. So I had to take care of it mostly myself- however Ginny's boyfriend was also there, and helped a bit.

Afterward, I went to get something to eat with Bethany. We both keep saying we need to budget, but then we are so hungry, and far away from home. I did not do very well as I pretty much have no groceries- I've eaten all my salad stuff and only have some bacon left. And I get headaches when I eat heavy food.

So Bethany and I got tuna salads and they were DELICIOUS. I enjoyed every bite, my poor body must be so confused about eating times. Nothing all day but a wheatless brownie and then a gorgeous salad. I have to get better about this, people!

Then I got all confused because I was told my bus line was not running, so I took another one, then suddenly remembered I hadn't gone to the bank to get some money to pay my rent, so I got off to do that... then ended up walking a lot and waiting for the bus a lot in the freezing cold. Then I swear I saw my regular bus go zipping by, which makes me feel like an idiot for going through all that rigamorale. Now I can barely feel my fingers and I can't feel my calves at all, so I'm in bed waiting for everything to warm up.

By the way, I love sleeping. I am so in love with sleeping, I can't even tell you. Sleep is wonderful. I have missed it so much. You just never know... I feel like I have been ostracized from a huge part of normal human experience for the past five years. Nobody ever knew my private torture or my extreme exhaustion. I could not explain it to them. I was envious of their ease with sleep, hated them for their flippant remarks, their casual mentions of warm milk or melatonin or whatever remedy their uncle's great aunt passed down from the old country. I wanted to strangle them, because I was so fucking tired. But now I can sleep. And I love it.

I am tempted to call Smitten and thank him again, because I really am grateful. I guess it depends on the place I'm in when I do it. I can't call him when I'm feeling needy. That is clear. I have to watch that. I have no idea, really, what will happen with him, but it will be okay either way. Either he likes me, or he doesn't. And if he does, either he does something about it, or he doesn't. And maybe he is thinking about it, maybe he is getting all his shit together, before he comes back here this month. Who knows?

Bottom line though, is, he helped me sleep! And for that he will always be pretty fucking sexy in my mind.

That is that.

Sigh.

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