Dear Diary,

Last year at this time, I had just met two men (Drew and Aaron) that I felt attracted to, but was feeling sad and withdrawn and hopeless.

On the same day this year, I was dancing with Jerry in my kitchen. And getting a sweet call from Smitten.

So I guess things have improved.

Today I got a lot done, work-wise on the computer. I am just waiting to hear back from Carla, and settle some last minute things with Keith about his trip here. That should all be relatively easy (I hope).

I made plans to go to lunch with a colleague tomorrow, but now I realize that is a crazy idea and I have too much to do (packing, laundry, returning boots that don't fit) and I would be better off staying home. I guess I will have to cancel tomorrow.

So I was in the house all day, but then went to meet Bethany. We had dinner and watched a bit of a DVD, then I started feeling really crappy and wanted to go home. But sometimes I notice that people don't hear me, or don't take me seriously, or something.... because what usually happens is that things like this come upon me all of a sudden and what I mean is, I want to go home NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW I'm ready. But the person keeps talking or wants to bring up a new point and I don't get to leave till 20 minutes later. And that is what happened to Bethany tonight- I announced I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home, but for whatever reason she felt compelled to show me some exercises on this machine she has- really she could have picked a better time. I watched her for about 10 or so minutes and resisted the urge to scream or throw a tantrum. I don't know how many ways to express myself in this venue.

I just notice this about Bethany in general... a lot of those nights that I was hanging with Bethany and Marva and Howard, I would say I'm hungry I need to eat now, I'm leaving. But then everyone would say, I'm hungry too, let's all go... somehow I'd be waiting 20 minutes for 3 people to pee and put their coats on... particularly Bethany because she is not the kind of girl that can pick up and go. It is frustrating for me. Because even hunger comes on me all of a sudden.

I made it a point to tell Smitten that when I say I am hungry it means I have to eat within the half hour or I will be a wreck. I cannot wait. NOW means NOW. It is a symptom of adrenal exhaustion that my blood protein drops that fast.

So anyway, I am feeling grouchy now and against my better judgment called Keith which of course keeps me on the phone... but I had to iron out some things with him so I can manage my work schedule... that's just how it is.

Smitten has a nickname for me now, I guess that is a good sign? Really I get so excited about the prospect of him being here very soon!

I forgot to mention also that when Jerry came he brought flowers. He also left me with a bar of chocolate, and a CD. Sweet, eh?

I shall count my blessings.

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