Dear Diary,

It has been kind of a crazy 36 hours.

I went to work. I went to the store- I was near Bethany's house... she was coming home from a party and invited me in with some of her friends to play games. I said okay, and stayed up till 3am playing with them- insane- fun, but insane.

At that point it seemed wisest to sleep at Bethany's. I went into a panic realizing I had not paid my bills. So I got up extra early and found a phone store, and a branch of my bank that was open on Saturdays- there are not many. I paid those bills, then was on my way to see Howard.

Howard and I completed the work we needed to do, and I turned around and went home. First I stopped off to get my eyebrows done. And I stopped in the restaurant but only Jim was there. He was all up on me and hitting on me which is weird, because he is religious and never acts like that. I think it's because his wife is hugely pregnant and due any day and he hasn't been getting any at all.

Anyway I needed to eat something and Jim made me the biggest, sloppiest sandwich which I ate waiting for the bus. The bus takes forever on Saturdays, by the way. When I got home I had about twenty minutes to shower, moisturize, do my hair and the whole bit. I threw a dress over my fat belly and was on my way! Met Bethany and we went to the speed dating place where... everyone else was late. And...

Half the guys didn't show up. They held the event anyway, but there were 9 women and 5 guys. It felt humiliating and embarrassing to be sitting at a numbered table wearing a nametag while half the group had their "dates". It was also obvious that the men were older than they were supposed to be for this age group- some of them were REALLY old. I mean, really....

Date #1- Didn't like him. He kept looking at my chest. My tits are great, don't get me wrong, but he wasn't funny or interesting. He was boring AND constantly looking at my tits. Please at least be interesting if you're gonna do that.

Date #2- Was really trying to sell himself. Trying too hard. He said he liked to dance, but I couldn't figure out what kind of dance he was talking about. I asked him if he knew how to salsa- he said he would if I wanted him to... he would skydive if I wanted to... basically he was saying he would try anything I wanted to do. Do white guys know how hard it is to salsa? I don't think so. He also spit on me when he spoke. He had a huge belly and didn't look as active as he portrayed himself to be.

In between I found myself staring off into space and imagining what I must look like, a woman in a nice dress sitting at a numbered table wearing a nametag- ugh, total loser. Thinking of my former, handsome, rich, funny, sexy ex-boyfriend... I felt like the biggest loser ever. Never mind that it didn't work out with him... I went from that... to this???

Date #3- The only guy I rather liked. He had a sense of humor, and even though he's more conservative than me, I felt like he has the potential to be fun. Or at least take me to dinner and tell me I'm beautiful.

Date #4- A psychiatrist who just complains too much. He may need therapy himself.

Date #5- Nice enough guy but there is something off about him. He said some funny things, but I can just tell the right chemistry is not there for us.

That was it. The coordinator gave us a special code to come to another event for free, because there weren't enough guys. I guess they have a hard time getting men for this... I just felt like I was part of the overstock, and that there's too many women and not enough men. I haven't really felt like THAT before- it's a terrible feeling.

Afterward Bethany and I left together. She wanted to hang out, and was wondering what we should do. I suggested going down to Jimmy's neighborhood, sitting in a restaurant and calling him and inviting him to join us. I have been trying to introduce Bethany to Jimmy for some time.

So that's what we did... and this time, it worked- Jimmy was free, and came in to say hello. He kissed me on both cheeks and pretended to look down my dress. We all talked about various things.

Jimmy said, "Smitten is coming next week."

I said, "Will he live with you?"

Jimmy said, "Of course, unless you want him to stay with you."

I said, "I don't think I'm ready to do that."

"She liked him in the beginning, now she doesn't care for him anymore," Jimmy told Bethany.

None of that makes any sense, because Smitten is now the one that doesn't respond to ME. Unless somewhere along the line he decided I rejected him so he plays these games with me? And this is what he tells Jimmy? I can't tell. In these moments I never seem to have enough wits about me to point out to Jimmy that Smitten doesn't return my calls, hardly reaches out at all and didn't even mention the handmade birthday card I sent him. What the hell?

Anyhow Jimmy eventually had to go and he did just that. Bethany and I finished our meal, and then she walked with me to the bus.

We sure do laugh a lot.

It's good to have a friend.

Love,
Duck

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