#2
Nothing new has happened, somehow I finally fell asleep, probably close to five ayem.
Ugh. This will not work for me...
Got a text from Grace. Must have been a 'group' text kind of thing, because the tone was, "Hey everybody, today is Alphie's birthday, don't forget to wish him a great day!" or something like that. Good old Grace, always taking care of Alphie; and I wonder if she purposefully put me on that list because she wants me to say something to him and he will feel "bad" if I don't, but then again this is the person who never follows up on anything and I've already made the promise to myself that I am not chasing him around... ever. He needs to start acting like a real person and asking for what he wants and expressing his own feelings rather than using Grace as his go-between. Or not. I don't care.
I am completely unsure as to what to do about Smitten. Last night I was thinking of writing him a letter- a real handwritten letter wherein I stated that I am confused because he says he misses me but at the same time pushes me away. But I don't know, maybe that will come off as looking crazy, because we don't really have any dating agreements, he is out of town and I haven't seen him in weeks. I just know that it is not my imagination, his behavior... but it may be subtle enough where he could pretend that he doesn't know what I'm talking about. You know that one?
The other option is to ignore him completely, which as you know I am not very good at. Last time I had a little anger fueling me for sure, and then my compassion leaks in and... what the hell. And the reason he makes me so angry is because I like him so much. I think. Or is it that I'm naturally drawn to men who ignore me? Could be either one.
Gah. Seems I would have to block him out of my life completely to do that anyway, like maybe un-friend him on FB or something... I just don't know how to do it when I feel him always THERE. Popping in when he wants to, and then disappearing.
I guess it's time to break up again...
Sad. :(
[previous] [next]
