Dear Diary,

Okay so since I have last written I have learned that Kelly is actually HAVING SEX with the ex now... the ex that wants the house- a fact she omitted with me but Stacey leaked out. No wonder that girl has lost her mind- her reasoning with Stacey was, "Well if he doesn't care about me than why does he come over here and have sex with me?"

Duh. Because he's a guy.

The biggest mistake a woman can think is that men get emotionally attached through sex like women do... about 99.9% of them DON'T. For real. Wake up, girls!!

Whatever. Kelly is delusional, and she is hiding facts from me because she knows I would tell her so. Talked to her today and there is no reasoning with her. She actually had the nerve to say, well Duck if it wasn't for you and all those books you told me to read... and the one about couples and how they can work it out...

Uh, Kelly, the purpose of me telling you to read that book was that you could realize how you choose the same kind of guy over and over again, and why you do that... and, there are exercises for committed couples to work it out- emphasis on COMMITTED. Not no-longer couples where the guy has cheated on you and moved out and says he only wants your house. Duh. Duh. Duh. Don't try to blame your stupidity on me! Just goes to show you can lead a horse to water...

In any case had a few moments with Stacey this morning to discuss her grief about her recently deceased brother, the divorce she wants to get, and her child with no structure. It was actually perfect timing because as much as she protests she is "okay" I pointed out that it would be really good for her to have a source of support here, maybe an unbiased person with experience around grief and being the child of an alcoholic parent, and to help her make action plans around moving on from this hellish marriage and not allowing her drunken mother to control her. Stacey actually started to cry and I knew I was on the right track. I also pointed out that she was living in chaos and it was affecting her son, that he didn't sleep enough and it was most likely affecting his ability to learn and grow... and if she was in a place where she was happier maybe she could provide more structure for him, i.e. better boundaries and bedtimes, so I feel like that hit home.

We'll see. As I said, you can lead a horse to water...

Stacey & family left to go visit hubby's cousin's for the day, I stayed here by myself. It was such a glorious experience to have some time alone for the first time in a long time! I watched some "Cougar Town" episodes online, then took a long walk to the grocery store and got Shelby some soup (he wasn't feeling well last time I spoke with him). After much consideration I bought a few items for a "picnic", figuring I would honor my promise to "take care of him" tonight. I reasoned that it is not the same thing as buying him a present (which is against my rules- will explain below...) but rather I chose things I wanted to eat too, so it was equally for myself. I also just enjoyed looking at pretty things and smelling candles and soaps and the like.

I walked home, had a bowl of yogurt with raspberries, and am contemplating a hot salt bath. Just spoke with Gia on the phone and looks like we'll be having lunch tomorrow, which I'm happy about.

Well that is that for now. I texted Shelby that I needed directions (again) and he texted back that he is feeling slightly better and he's looking forward to seeing me... my oh my I am looking forward to seeing him too. That boy is yummy.

Oh, so I have made certain rules for myself to prevent me from becoming too attached to Shelby or god forbid falling in love with him. This is because I KNOW this is a practice relationship and he has no intention of making it anything else and therefore I need to have the same intention. So here they are:

1. No nicknames. Nicknames are a big deal to me and make my heart all warm and fuzzy. So I am taking extra special care to only call Shelby "Shelby". Nothing else. No honey, lover, baby, nothing. This would just open a door that would be hard to close. He also only calls me by my regular name.

2. No presents. Usually when I am falling for a guy I end up giving too much... overdoing it for sure. Cards, presents, emails, what have you. And giving MORE than I'm receiving is a very common thing for me. Therefore I have vowed that I WILL NOT buy Shelby a present, unless: he gives me something first, in which case I will only give him something of lesser value than the gift he gives me. That's it.

3. No valentines, no love notes, tangible mementos of any kind. I have written short emails, but normally I will just call and tell Shelby what I appreciated about him. I'm being careful not to create any nostalgia.

4. No intercourse. This of course is the one I'm most sad about... I hope to someday be able to have random casual sex but my hormones might have to shift first. For now, this is the line.

That's all the rules I have so far.

Love,
Duck

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