Dear Diary,

Well, I slept! I could have slept beyond the time of my alarm but I didn't want to got too long- but of course when I wake up tired I just wanted to sleep more.

However, I made the mistake of checking my email- something I thought I'd do very quickly before going back to bed- and there was a nasty email to me in there.

To make a long story short, I have a product made for me by a couple I know and then I resell it. The man of the couple always used to be the one I would deal with- I really got the sense that he was the more socially adept one in the team, because he was very positive and would tell me things like, "You're the customer, of course we want to make you happy."

Well I guess due to recent economic circumstances, the man went back to a corporate job, and the woman is supposedly running the product herself. She took the liberty of changing the product due to something she thought I said which I did not, so basically it was a mistake, which I did not want. She suggested I try to sell it anyway. I thought about it- and I don't want the changes. I want to sell the product as I've always had it, and market a consistent product- not something that is changing all the time and either I'll like or not like and then it will be changing for customers all the time and they won't know what to expect. I didn't want to buy her "mistake" and try to sell it.

So I was very nice and responded via email that I prefer my original product and the reasons for that- that I was happy with what I had and I didn't want to change it for consistency's sake.

I wake up this morning to an email that basically says, "I don't see why you just won't try the new product, I feel like you don't trust me, and I put a lot of effort into it and my husband does not have time to be the go-between and I spent a lot of money on this venture and you are getting a good deal because I don't even make enough money on this product to be selling it to you."

Good god, woman! My rational brain could suddenly see why the husband had previously been the one to talk to- she obviously has no business sense and was turning this into a personal issue, via email no less. But also she failed to see that it wasn't just her "intuition" to change the product- what it was was a mistake, and she wanted me to buy a whole batch of her mistakes, so she wouldn't be left with the product, otherwise she could have given me some fair warning, or given me one unit as a sample. Well it's not my fault! And what happened to making the customer happy? Now I was basically being called hurtful and selfish and being told nobody has time for what I need. And is it my fault that you are not making enough money on what you're selling? Last time I ordered a batch, they had even raised the price on me by $1.50 a unit- with no previous warning, mind you, just right when I was getting out my checkbook- and I thought that was unprofessional but I paid it.

Seems to be a theme in my life that people want to make things MY FAULT and not take any responsibility for their actions- this lady and her product mistake, Petra and Michael basically call me insensitive for not visiting when they don't even bother to communicate with me or extend an invitation, the whole Alphie and Grace story and I was never doing enough for their tastes- whatever! I am perfectly willing to take responsibility where it is due, but I really don't see that I am being very unreasonable.

And I hate it when people fucking start shit via email. It's cowardly and ridiculous, like dropping a bomb on somebody.

So of course, after I saw that I felt my nervous system go into overdrive and I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I got up and called Callie, we had a nice conversation about balancing myself and my nervous system and being okay no matter what happens, even if someone out there is mad at me (I have trouble with that and often fear that people are mad at me). And we talked about me recollecting myself to have the strength to just get through what I need to. Talking to Callie must have relaxed me because all of a sudden I did feel sleepy. She suggested I take a little power nap so I lay down for about an hour. I'm feeling a bit more rested now and ready to go to work tonight...

And I put that email away in a folder, out of my inbox, so I don't have to look at it and be triggered by it! I'm not even going to answer it today. I figure the best thing to do is wait 24 hours, so you don't say something rash (which obviously that lady didn't do before she wrote her email). And I don't know if I will bother answering it at all. I figure if someone really wants to have a serious conversation they should do so by phone, and the benefit of email is it doesn't automatically justify a response.

And actually I kind of feel good for sticking with what I believe in. I was aware that it was time to make a choice right then, when I realized she expected me to buy the product mistakes. I could either say nothing, and continue to accommodate the company, or I could speak as a customer about what I truly wanted. And I chose the latter and, well, this was the result, but when I look to the future I don't want to create a precedent of always just accepting so as not to hurt anyone's feelings. That's ridiculous. I want what I pay for. As a customer, is that asking too much? I don't think so.

My point being that I am actually okay with dissolving the relationship and walking away from the product if it comes to that. I would rather walk away from the relationship than be beholden to emotional bullying and coercion.

So I guess that means I have changed, because I would put up with that kind of shit in my past relationships and dealings, and I just don't want it in my life at all anymore. It would not really be worth the $80 or so profit that I actually make from this deal. Some money is just too expensive.

And that's that.

[previous] [next]