#2
Hey Diary,
Feels like it's been a bit quiet here as of late.
Today I lollygagged around the house, doing my best to stay awake because I got up so early. I made gluten-free brownies first thing... but then I never really ate a proper breakfast, so I felt shitty. At the last minute I threw something down my throat and went to dance class, which was okay.
Bethany wanted to get together, I guess to kill some time while her boyfriend was in a class. But I opted to just go home. Going out with Bethany would just lead to spending money I don't have on some meal that would not be worth it. I did of course, though, go to the grocery store, because that seems to be my new addiction. I bought lettuce, beans, one frozen Indian dinner, one frozen gluten-free pizza, one frozen mahi mahi dinner, two packages fresh fish and one ostrich fillet.
Yes. I said ostrich.
So I dunno, maybe this new fad of mine to constantly grocery shop and have food in the fridge and freezer is the by-product of starting to take care of myself? One can hope... (I did come home and cook some beef patties and spinach pancakes, oh, so yummy!!)... seems to kind of go along with the reading I got from Ava, that now is the time for me to just be gentle with myself, not really worry about the fact that I still can't fit in my jeans, but rather just take it easy and take care of myself. (I still have the slightest shakes at this time too).
So, that's that.
There was another email from John, just saying he's sorry he said what he did about claiming to know how I feel, blah blah blah, and what can he do to amend it. That is typical John- you have a conversation, you clear it up, but then he thinks about things and comes back and apologizes for something you don't care about anymore... while totally missing the point about something else. For example he is apologizing for that, but still insisting that I am angry at him, because he "senses" it. What's the difference? And anyway I just talked to him for over an hour yesterday, and I would like a little space from the talking and the sorting and the processing the big John thing... he doesn't know how to just let it breathe. Maybe it's his way of keeping the drama rolling.
I'm getting a massage tomorrow- looking forward to it.
Love,
Duck
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