Dear Diary,

Well here I am again even though not much time has passed, just barely enough to get a speck of sleep. I feel quite miserable about working two 9 hour days in a row just so I can leave early enough on Thursday to get to the lake. I know I shouldn't complain because there are plenty of people who work 9-5 every week for their whole lives... but I can't help it. I am a bird that longs to be free.

And I am just grouchy after only getting six hours of sleep which in my book has never been enough. I am irritated with myself for just not getting it together and packing even though I had the whole day off. To be fair to myself, I did get a few things done including some handwash because I just couldn't be bothered to go to the laundromat... I actually didn't have enough dirty clothes to make it worthwhile.

In the end I'm sure it will all be fine as it usually turns out to be. Maybe I just look for ways to sabotage myself and make myself stressed out. That can end any time.

Really.

I am also unhappy with my worry/feelings of unhappiness about Shelby. Although I do not feel devastated I do feel a bit sad and clingy. I don't even want to feel that way. I know better. And the whole point of asking for clear separation was... what was it again? Mostly I think the point was for me not to be miserable. I am sick of my own inadequacies, bottom line.

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