Dear Diary,

I wish I could say something witty right off. What I'd like to say is that I'm warning myself right now to be careful.

Roc and I have a date tonight- of sorts. I say that because he is bringing his daughter with him. Yesterday I worked at the pt job 6 hours, stopped at the store, went home and stayed up till 1:30 in the morning cleaning the house. That is because I told Roc that he and his daughter could stay over (it is a two hour drive from their place to mine). I gave up trying to decide what to do with the piles of clothes and just decided to wash them even if some were already clean- I'll figure it out later. I also went through my smaller closet and through away another 6 or 7 shirts that I never really wear or make my arms feel fat or whatever. Not that Roc and his daughter would see that, but, you know, I was on a roll. I washed the dishes and vacuumed all the cobwebs and made a nice little bed on the couch for said teenager.

Kept myself busy on the phone by chatting with Pia and JJ... had a long talk with JJ regarding the Roc/Marianne saga. He thought it was strange (and wrong) of Roc to outwardly tell Marianne that I'd said I felt she was treating me differently since the weekend we spent together- a statement that wasn't even altogether accurate. He agreed with me that Roc is a bit of a drama queen and that he is most likely too immature for me, which I have already suspected. Although I have been trying to keep an open mind.

After talking to JJ my phone fell on the floor out of my own carelessness and none of the features really worked because it kept saying there was no SIM card. I was totally bummed about that but it was time to go to bed anyway and I set my alarm early figuring I might have to go to the phone store on the way to work. Luckily when I woke up and turned it on it was once again receiving signals. Phew! Must be more careful from now on.

I got up early and did all the vacuuming, and now I'm on my way to work at the pt job... Roc said he was going to call me last night and tell me what time they'd be arriving, but he did not. Instead he just sent me a text message saying they're on their way and what time will I be free?

See, this is the crazy-making part. Either Roc truly doesn't listen (to the last 10 times I said very clearly that I hate text messages) or there is some part of him that may be unconsciously trying to provoke me. That, combined with the Marianne issue, points to shitty communication and that is just a dealbreaker for me. I know it sounds like I am cutting the legs off any kind of relationship before it can even start, but truthfully I am just not in that place anymore of waiting for men and feeling less than valued.

So... there you go. I'm still going to try to have fun, but I have no intention of losing myself.

Love -to me-,
Duck

[previous] [next]