Dear Diary,

Yesterday I tried to take adequate time in the morning to organize myself, and I also took a cab to work. Work was uneventful and really these days it gets hard to hide the fact that I don't have much to do at all! But I needed to get some hours in regardless.

In the evening I went to the party and that was nice. A bunch of people you know were there: Bethany, Marva, John, Howard, B, etc. We went out to dinner afterward, then B asked me (privately) what we should do about driving home. I told him let's just drop everybody off at the main depot. This included John who lives kind of "out my way" but technically would probably tack on an additional 20 minutes to B's driving time. Not only that but I just wanted to drive home with B without John there. I just get the constant sensation of him pulling on me somehow, always looking at me with a sad needy face. So we dropped everyone off at the depot, everybody going off in multiple directions anyhow, John did look kind of weird but I was thinking, oh well. It's not really B's job to taxi everybody all over the place, and he and John aren't even friends. So when someone goes out of their way to drop you off, it's a gift and shouldn't necessarily become an expectation everytime you go out.

Obviously John still really irks me and I wish I could be big enough where he didn't, but I'm not there yet.

Oh. Jerry was at the party which was cool because it's always nice to see him. And Jimmy also showed up at the last minute, he got confused about the actual start time... and remember Blaze (the guy I want on a first date to the beach last 4th of July, actually got a SUNBURN, and he kind of faded out and we never went out again)? Well Blaze didn't show but a friend of his did, a very hot friend that he introduced to me last spring. And this friend was rubbing my shoulders and squeezing me and saying, "So what are we doing now?" at the end of the party. All I could think of was wow, my life is really changing. But he disappeared somewhere, oh well, bye bye hot boy, see ya later.

I really ought to call HC back and maybe something will happen with him, I really don't know if I'll even see him before he goes back to his country. I've thought I should be keeping my house cleaner for these kinds of reasons, and to my credit I've tried to make a dent these past few days by cleaning the bathroom, putting away the clean laundry and doing dishes... but truthfully it is so overwhelming I don't even know where to start! I found a whole bunch of worn summer clothes I must have wanted to hide from somebody, cause I threw them in a plastic bag... so a lot of those need to be handwashed which I started but there's only so much space to hang dripping wet clothing... and I just don't know what else, some office organization that needs to happen.

I suppose it would be good to stay at home and go through papers and think of stuff for presentations and get proper rest, but I am working so hard right now trying to make money and pay off debt and get things in order!

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