Okay Diary.

You know that whatever I do, if it's something important to me, I do my very best.

I just don't know what to say about this or WHY exactly it went down as it did.

I met HC and we went to my house together. It's a little weird because we really don't have much to say to each other. There is physical attraction but not much to talk about. Also it occurs to me that when you meet a foreign person, sometimes it's difficult to tell about their personality. Like how bright they are or how clueless they might be (this factors in later, believe me).

So we get to my house, each rinse off in the shower and then we start to fool around. I'm noticing he doesn't seem much into kissing me. I noticed this last time- he only started to kiss me when he was really turned on. Okay, whatever, it's casual, but I kind of could use some kissing to get turned on. So he starts touching me and I start touching him and he... finishes. Uh, okay. I know I was actually getting pretty excited and making some interesting sounds. We lay there for awhile, I was hoping he wasn't going to fall asleep because as you know, I was a woman on a mission. So we hung out there for awhile and sure enough he starts rubbing me and touching me again, and I'm getting incredibly turned on. And I decide that before something else happens I'm going to ask for what I want.

So I say to him, "I would like to sit... on that." (and here you can imagine what I am pointing to). He seems slightly confused (remember, the language barrier, of sorts) and asks, "You mean you want it inside you?" To which I respond in the affirmative, yes, that's exactly what I want, and we have to use a condom, okay?

Well. First of all he did not look as excited as a man should look when a woman blatantly says she wants to pop a squat on his business. But I thought, okay, maybe he comes from a rather stoic country. So we get out the condom and I help him stay peppy, if you know what I mean. But it looks as though what I had expected is true: the condom is too small for this dude. Which is why I had left him a message to bring his own, figuring he must know that about himself. Well, the fool didn't bring condoms, and this one really didn't fit, it was far too restrictive and didn't allow for him to be hard enough to be inside me. We kind of laughed about it, haha, I mean I know men can have some pressured feelings about performing and I certainly didn't want him to feel bad about himself, but he also didn't seem concerned enough to ask if maybe there was a drugstore nearby where we could get bigger condoms, etc. So then he started touching me again so I thought well at least he is concerned about me having some fun, and he guided my hand back onto him, and before I knew it that motherfucker came AGAIN. Dude are you serious?

Granted I have been spoiled in the past by lovers who seem to actually CARE if I have a good time... I am totally cool with a guy having a good time but please... could you throw a little my way?

At this point I was done. Blew out all the candles, turned off the lights. HC asked if I could play the "really nice CD that was playing before." I replied no, I couldn't fall asleep with music on, as I snapped off the last light. No more amenities for today- after a juice, a hot shower, fresh toothbrush, two orgasms and five towels later, I'm done. There are no buses back to his place after 11pm, so he's just lucky I didn't kick him to the curb.

Yes, I was feeling a bit resentful. I mean really, I would have no problem with him coming as much as he wanted but it would be nice to have some consideration come my way... I was just ready for him to go in the morning and was like, so long, don't let the door hit you on your big fat cock on the way out.

Yes, part of me just supposes it wasn't meant to be, and part of me is really pissed. Who knows? Maybe I dodged some kind of bullet.

I called Gail and she was just as perplexed as I.

Mystery.

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