Dear Diary,

I can probably predict that the pt job will go under within the year. I found out the owner lied to the accountant, and then lied to us about what was said in his individual meeting with the accountant. Then yesterday he came into my office and started telling me all these stories about he said/she said within the office, as well as saying something like, "I know from where you sit it might look like I'm not doing much, but I do a lot." Uh, really? At the time the dude was telling me this he obviously had a hangover, and I'm pretty sure he does coke. He can never keep his story straight and sure acts like this other boss I had that did a lot of coke.

Whatever. If he was really working his ass off to save the company, why would he even care what I thought? I am, after all, technically the lowest employee on the totem pole, being part-time. But there is a way I don't say anything, and I'm obviously not buying what he's saying, that must make him nervous. Maybe because everyone else's jobs are hanging in the balance so they have to pretend what he's saying his real. I'm a little too old for that.

In any case, I need to do what I can to make money and get as much out of debt as I can, use this job and work harder at my other one so I can get ahead. They are talking about downsizing but my boss has already told me that I am a core employee at this point and it is obvious that the people who held my position previous to me did not do a good job and actually put the company further into debt.

So. Enough about that. I was at the office till after eight last night and then I went to pick up the cake for Steffy's party. I also talked to one of her ex-roommates on the phone and we reorganized our lists of what everyone is bringing. So I had to run to the store on the way home to pick up some things.

Falling asleep as usual was not a successful endeavor but I stayed in bed and rolled around rather than watching shows online or anything like that. Got up this morning and showered, packed most of my suitcase for my trip, ate breakfast, put the finishing touches on all I would need for the party tonight. Crap I just recalled that I forgot one thing! Gah.

Oh well. I left this entry and never finished it. So now I can report that the party turned out fine, a good time was had by all... somehow I do manage to fit it all in.

I am concerned about my health however and how I've been feeling lately... not well at all. I'm not quite sure what to do but I have an appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully if I rest over the weekend, cut down on sugar, etc. I will be feeling better soon.

So I was telling some of the girls tonight about G, but there is a way I feel silly because he is so much younger than me... like I feel that someone listening would just be thinking, "that's nice- but it's not like this relationship is going to GO anywhere!" Not that that's what relationships are meant to do anyway- I mean in the end every relationship teaches us something. But, you know, the age thing? Who knows. I guess I just really want someone I can get excited about. G is the first person I have felt ANYTHING for in a very long time... I just don't know how to feel or how to be anymore... I have been through so much in the last three years and I have worked really hard, I know I am very different but... I guess I still don't even know who I am.

And that's just hard.

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