Dear Diary,

It appears I am on a 22 day cycle, so I'm not just an idiot who is constantly surprised when she gets her period. They really are getting closer together!

As all the girls know, there is nothing quite like having one's time of the month AND a cold at the same time, to truly make a person feel like shit. But I had to get up and go to work today anyway- I just missed too many days.

On the way I put a check into the bank and mailed my phone bill and my registration for December's weekend conference. There were piles of things waiting for me at work, which is nice actually. I had a lot of things to do, plenty to figure out... although I really don't see how this company is going to make it. The owner just keeps making one stupid decision after another. He took half the staff with him on a business trip, while we couldn't even pay our credit cards this month. Then he told our director that I would have to overnight him one of the credit cards they paid off last year. Like this is a good business decision? I think not. I can't even imagine the money they must be spending right now on hotel and whatever else. I don't really think he understands debt and credit. In any case I hope the job lasts a few more months at least, so I can make the extra money I need.

I worked six hours and then met Bethany and Marva for dinner. It was good to see them and really a couple hours was enough, because I got tired. I am still recovering from being sick, I am coughing less but still tired. I really wanted to stop at the store and get gluten free donuts but I refrained- I have been so-so about the sugar. Not really bingeing, but craving for sure.

I was planning on going into work tomorrow, but I don't know now with these cramps. It depends on how I feel I guess. I had a bit of a scare today because I thought my computer died at the pt job, and I really had the intention of making up my hours. It turns out the computer is okay, and hopefully I'll feel okay tomorrow.

I read a very interesting book on the way to visit my parents, about how to be in a relationship without losing oneself. It's a book I looked at a lot when in the midst of the heartache with M, and I finally got it. It was okay, really one of those books that tell you things that you know are common sense but you still can't seem to do them. Like I know I should have strong self-esteem and focus on myself but that doesn't really keep me from obsessing about someone else from time to time or feeling bad about myself.

Speaking of which, I think I am doing better in regard to G. We spoke a week ago and that 's when he mentioned he might call me Wednesday, which he did not. Granted I did feel bummed about him not calling me on Wednesday and not calling on Thanksgiving. But, I did not do any of the following: 1) obsess about it to the point of depression, 2) call him or initiate contact, 3) send him an email I had originally thought about sending when we spoke on Sunday, 4) block my number and call him and hang up, 5) count the days and give myself a permissible time until I would try to make contact.

These are all the things I did with Smitten, and some of them even with Roc as recently as a few months ago, so I am very very proud of myself. I know the last private session I had with Shelby helped a lot. Even if he can't really be there for me as a friend, I'm really grateful forhaving found him.

Now I think I'll sleep.

Love,
Duck

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