Dear Diary,

Well, my weekend was okay, there wasn't really time for much else than doing what I was supposed to do at the lake. I pretty much exhausted myself, even though it started to get a little better toward the end.

Also a lot of stuff was coming up for me about the violation that happened to me there so many years ago. I know I have to work on it, but I'm not really sure what to do right at this moment.

I managed to get a ride home, which was great because it meant I didn't have to take the bus. I fell asleep at 11, without brushing my teeth or even turning off the lights, a bunch of stuff on my bed, I just conked out between the piles.... so I dunno, maybe the exhausting weekend will have an effect in enabling me to correct my sleep timing?

In any case the basic plan was for me to go to the pt job today, but I really just don't want to. I have just completed a huge weekend of having no down time and I have to fly on Thursday. That means I would be working Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as well as Wednesday night? With no break in between. This is what I do to myself and this is how I get sick... so, I'm gonna pass. I realized over the weekend that I have to have a much better commitment to taking care of myself. And I am really suffering on every level because I don't have enough downtime.

In any case, I watched a lot of online try and cried a lot too. I went to the store to get stuff to make nachos, they were delicious. I spoke with Shelly on the phone and also Lee. I am not looking forward to work tomorrow, but I'm going to the chiropractor so that should be good.

I talked to G on the phone last night, and for whatever reason got a little triggered. He said something about trying to have good intentions with "whoever he's with" and I felt kind of jealous, and sad- it's that same feeling that has always come up with any guy I've dated, and came up with Shelby too- that I want to merge with a person and have them be ALL about me- I don't want them to have any part of their life I'm not involved in. It made me upset, and even though he was kind of flirting with me, it didn't have the same happy-making affect on me. Also I don't really feel like he is really hungry to see me, that feels kind of bad.. so, I have to reconfigure everything. I'm really not sure.

I called Pandora last night but haven't heard back. Maybe she is the one avoiding calls now, which I guess would be fine. I don't have a lot of energy for her.

Kind of a blah entry, but that's where I am right now.

Love,
Duck

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