Dear Diary,

Can I bitch about the wedding just a bit more, please? Pretty please?

I have to do it here so I won't strangle one of these girls. First off, somebody decided on a shoe and emailed it to everyone. Giving up I just said okay. Then I tried to order said ugly shoe and it didn't come in my size. Not only that, it didn't come in any size but tranny! Plus I was reading the reviews of the shoe and a lot of people who ordered it said it looked cheap. So I mentioned this to the girls and then went on the same website and found another shoe that came in all sizes, plus it just wasn't as ugly. First girl seemed somewhat upset that I undermined her shoe decision, even though none of us are size 11. Babytalk girl then complained that the heel on my shoe was too skinny and she would fall out the side of the shoe (um, what kind of fucked up feet do you have?!). She wanted to get clunky shoe with square heel, but this does not come in the right color. Now first girl has sent another two ugly shoe choices and I have never considered myself a fashionista but seriously? I am saying where do these girls find such ugly, expensive shoes?? Meanwhile Steffy is commenting here and there about they have to come from the same manufacturer and be the same color all in the interest of continuity of the bridal party and my head is kind of spinning because: a) the dresses are so fucking long you can't even see the shoes and b) who the fuck cares? I am wondering who made up this rule and how far does it get carried out, really? Does it matter? I guess I am just not very traditional because I think this whole mess is ridiculous. Like the earth is going to tilt on its axis if our shoes aren't the exact same style. Will it have an effect on the wedding day itself? On their marriage? Their children??! I better get the right shoe.

Okay, I'm done. Warned you that was in there. I can't wait to go on vacation just so I don't have to talk to these girls at all and their ridiculousness.

But speaking of shoes, and clothes... I saw a dress I really liked online, and I told myself if I didn't eat sugar for five days I could have it. I don't know why but that seems to be working. No bingeing for three days now... I haven't eaten chocolate. Things like my cereal and stuff are sweetened, but I haven't put candy in my mouth, and I haven't bought junk food sweets. So maybe I am only motivated by clothes. If this continues I might actually be able to fit in them. I also saw some shoes I really like, but I haven't tried them on.

So I barely slept because I had to work all day today. That happens so often- I know I have to wake up early so then I can't sleep. It's amazing I can function so well on such little sleep, I don't think about it much but today I was just amazed with myself.

The day went okay and basically I made the money back that I lost a few weeks ago. So now that means I can pay people back. Not ahead much at all, but what can you do?

It was a long day and I didn't really eat much so I rushed across the street to get a sandwich (they have gluten free bread!). Bethany left me a mesage and three text messages popped up too. I guess she was hoping to catch me after work and hang out. I really don't ever feel like hanging out after a full day of work, unless it's with someone who can drive me home, like B. Plus I know Bethany is depressed and it feels more like she is pulling, pulling on me... I can't really do anything for her. I remember feeling crushed like that after M left, but I guess I imploded more than reached out very much. I love Bethany but the truth is I just don't have the energy to do that today. In general I don't like hanging out after work if it's been an eight hour day. So it's nothing personal. I'm just so tired.

So home I go.

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