Dear Diary,

Hallelujah, the curse has been broken!!

Yes Diary, it's true - I had sex last night!

Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed, as usual, and didn't really get much cleaning done in my apartment. I left to go to the dinner figuring, fuck it, nothing is going to happen here anyway. I was at the point where I almost didn't feel like going, but I took a taxi which wasn't even that expensive. I arrived at the restaurant before anyone else, and soon Steffy and her brother William came walking up. It was weird seeing him several months later, like looking through different eyes. It's not that he isn't still a good looking guy, because he is... but more like, I don't feel that same crazy charge when I see him. Like I don't LOSE myself in him. Which is different. And better.

Anyhow, dinner was okay and then we went to a bar. The whole night William was his usual chivalrous self- pulling my chair out, helping me with my coat. He sat next to me at the beginning of the night which I just attributed to chance. But when we walked to the bar he put his arm around me, in front of Steffy too. In the bar several of us were sitting on a couch and William and I were flirting. One of the groomsmen had joined us for drinks (the one who tried to make out with me during the reception). I told William that story and he suggested we go into a dark corner and make out. I said there were no dark corners (the bar was a big rectangle) but if he wanted to walk me to the bus he could and we would get to be alone. I think William was formulating this plan and finally said, I could stay at your house... so okay. Then we were wondering about Steffy. William leaned over and said something to her and she just said "okay!" in a very upbeat voice. We all said goodbye and when I hugged Steffy I asked, is this okay? And she was very friendly and said, have a good time. So with that blessing Will and I headed back to my place. Something weird happened though, as soon as we were alone he started acting more adolescent, saying stupid stuff and being like a teenager. He also had to have a cigarette. I just attributed it to nervousness and told myself to ignore it. I was really clear that this was my chance to hook up and I wasn't going to let his behavior turn me off! We got to my house, which, of course, was a mess. I said oh well, changed the sheets and took ten minutes to gather everything I needed for work the next day, then said, okay I'm ready, and jumped on top of him. He started kissing me, which was nice and I didn't even mind that he smokes and that he's not that intellectual or anything like that. I just kept thinking, I deserve this, he's not my boyfriend, we're just having fun. He kept peeling layer after layer of clothing off of me and kissing and touching etc. He was a little heavy-handed and going kind of fast, so I asked if he could slow down - I was like, no, you can touch there.... just go slower. Haha. I asked if he had any STDs, he said no, he took off his pants, I grabbed a condom, and said, go slow, I want to enjoy this. Ha. And it was good. Maybe I didn't have quite enough "warm up" or it's been so long or maybe it was the lube we were using, but I was feeling a little irritation so not everything felt pleasurable... some positions I would normally like were uncomfortable. Oh well. In the end we both had a lot of pleasure but neither one of us had an orgasm... but he is sweet, gorgeous, built like a brick shithouse and genuinely seems to find me attractive (that still blows me away somehow)- I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was enjoying it. We both took showers, I changed the sheets again, and we went to sleep. Woke up at 8, got ready and I left him at the transfer station. He asked if I was really busy tonight and I said I had to pack but he could call me... yeah I am crazy. I really don't have any time, but hey, it's sex people... and I think I need to make time for it.

So far everything feels okay. I don't feel crazy or knocked off balance. I have thought about him periodically throughout the day but not obsessively. I feel more connected to myself than I have in the past after having sex with someone. So that is good. I feel a minor victory... he'll, maybe even a major one. Not only have I broken my dry spell, but I have not turned into a quivering, needy pile of goo. Go, me!

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