Dear Diary,

Hmm, where to start? Well for one, I think I can start by saying that I am feeling... somewhat better.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe my brain chemistry is a little more balanced. I might have a bit more energy, I'm not sure. But I am pretty sure that I haven't thought about killing myself in the past couple of days, so that's good.

The treatment for my adrenals seems to have kicked in- for the past two nights I suddenly feel like I NEED to go to bed at 11:30pm. My brain no longer functions, and I am aware that I cannot process any more information and I have to lie down. Oddly enough though, this does not feel like a chemically-wrought dynamic. I don't feel any aftereffects, really.

So things have been busy. I went to exercise class on Monday and I was the only woman and I like it that way. Then on Tuesday Tim and Pam showed up for the second half. I didn't stay for the whole second half since I had to go back to the pt job (yes, at night) because the audit was the next day and YES even though I had a whole month to prepare do you think I did? No I did not. So I was at the office from 9:30pm-12:30am after class. I treated myself to a cab home. Luckily the next day our accountant was handling the auditors so I could come in later, we had a meeting and he bought me lunch.

I don't know if I've mentioned him before but I'm pretty sure that our accountant has a crush on me, and I know he would ask me out if I didn't work there anymore. He's made it very clear that he likes to keep things professional and he doesn't date clients (technically I am a client because the owner is his client). He's not super good looking but, as I mentioned in my last entry, maybe I should just give up on good looking guys. This guy is a CPA, for God's sake... anyway it's not going to happen, and, I wouldn't necessarily see him as a long term thing because some of his humor is pretty adolescent.

Anyhow he was telling me about a new girl he started dating and he seems to think it sounds promising, so if that is true I wish him well with that.

I worked on Wednesday night. Thursday I considered my official day off but I did go back to the gym. It was leg day, and I also did 30 minutes on the elliptical. Then I went a little crazy and did all kinds of shopping. I found a little health food store near the gym, and bought some things I needed. I bought two baby outfits for my martial arts/exercise teacher that teaches on Monday and Tuesday nights. That class is free, if you can believe it, because it's run at a community center. But I don't think the teachers get paid, and I am always looking for something nice I can do for them. I went to BB&B and bought a new laundry bag, which I desperately needed, and a meat thermometer, which I figured is a good investment if I want to cook things properly and not have parasites anymore. I saw so many things there I would like to buy, but I restrained myself! Then I went to the library and picked up some movies, and I went to two grocery stores and bought things for dinner. I hurried home and started to clean the house and cook- the house was disgusting. I made an apple spice cake, stuffed mushrooms, an amazing salad, a glazed chicken, green beans and rice. Henry came over, and he talked to me for a long time when I was cooking. When we sat down to eat, though, he only at his salad, some green beans and rice, and then announced, "I don't really feel like eating animals right now," and he pushed the rest of his chicken on my plate. It felt a little weird because he hardly ate anything... and I tried not to be insulted because I really did run around all day and worked really hard on that dinner. Plus I ate it and it was really good. It was a weird feeling.

Henry didn't want to watch any of the movies I chose so we watched something on his Netflix. He stayed over and I thought that since I was so tired I could sleep with someone in my bed, but I was wrong. Everytime he moved, made a weird clicking sound when he swallowed, breathed funny, talked in his sleep, I would wake up. I'm not sure what time it was when I went out to the main room and unfolded the chair and slept there. I guess Henry thought he was going to get up at 7:30am so he set his phone alarm to the most annoying, defcon-5 siren sounding thing I ever heard, then he kept hitting the snooze button. I finally told him he either needed to get up or turn it off. We both slept till about 9am. Henry left with no breakfast and not brushing his teeth (ah, to be 24 again and not give a shit). I was glad to be alone and start my day.

I went to the gym again. I got into the building no problem, but GymMan never showed up, I guess he got caught up with something. So I did the elliptical and a few arm weights by myself. I went to the pt job and then worked for myself at night.

There's been a problem with my toilet running so I guess the plumbers are coming again. Knowing this I had to clean my house (for real, it was still kind of a wreck when Henry was here). Henry had helped me by moving the desk I no longer wanted outside on garbage night, so that is gone. I also need to throw out a chair. I am glad to see things go. I just need to steadily keep going through piles and glean what I don't want anymore. As I get older I really realize what crap I've been holding onto and that I never use it or want it. I still have stuff at my parents' house too and someday I will have to deal with that. But for now I have realized that I've always thought of this as my "temporary" apartment. I never really invested in it or bought anything nice. I always envisioned that I would have a "real" home someday and THEN I would have nice things, not hand-me-downs. I don't know. I've lived this way for over 12 years. Maybe all that is not important, but I don't like being embarrassed about my place either when people come over.

Who knows, I'm still thinking about moving at the end of this year. We'll see.

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