Dear Diary,

Happy Valentine's Day, to me.

Today I went to the gym for stomach class. I did okay even though I was just concentrating on getting through it- I stayed up too late the night before. I thought I would walk on the elliptical but just felt too tired. I don't know if it's because I'm on the verge of getting sick, or if it's because I have run out of some of my meds.

When I was leaving the gym I ran into a guy that I sometimes see there. He started a conversation and I should have known better. Some guys are so slick that they set things up in the conversation that make you admit that you don't have a boyfriend. Then of course he asked me for lunch. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so SLICK. He was trying to flatter me by saying I'm smart and whatever (why YES, I am smart, but I don't know how he knows that) and he touches me a lot when he talks to me, and I'm not sure if I like it, because he's trying not to let me go when I obviously have somewhere else to be. Anyhow I gave him my number but really I just wanted to be on my way, afterward I was really thinking, I don't think I want to go to lunch with this guy at all, I don't really like how that went down. I don't really like pushy guys. And most likely everything about him is more of an act than anything else. I know guys get nervous about asking someone out, and that can come off as a little fake. I know not everybody can actually been genuine in those circumstances. I find it hard to believe that he asked me out even though I never wear makeup to the gym, I desperately need to get my eyebrows done, and I look exhausted today. Oh well. Now I am thinking that if he does call me I can always inform him that my situation has changed (like I started seeing someone). I just hope I don't run into him at the gym in the next few days.

I went to Oscar's afterward and he made us lunch. Then we lay on the couch and watched a movie. It was terrifically lazy, which I guess is what I needed. I didn't even want to go home, I wanted to sleep there. Haha. But I did go home and run a hot bath, because my hip has been bothering me. I made a couple of business phone calls, and also talked to someone from Serena's class to check in. Then it was time to go to bed.

The latest info I've been chewing on? I read Steve Harvey's book for women, about how to get a man and keep him. In the book he addresses the question of why a guy doesn't call back after such and such happened. Steve's answer is pretty cut and dry: he said something like, "Men don't need closure like women do. The just move on. You should, too." This hit home in terms of M. I have a hard time NOT comparing other guys to him because we got along so well as far as intelligence and humor. I just keep meeting guys that either feel really fake, or so insecure that that can't keep it together, or just not a match for me in so many ways that M was. Apparently those things might have been nice for M, but are not requirements otherwise he would be knocking on my door, right? If anybody knows how hard I've been trying to let go, it would be you, Diary. I've been thinking of maybe going to a hypnotist to help with the problem. That sentence in Steve's book really struck a chord with me. There is still a little hurt there about the fact that M HAS moved on... easy as that. Ignoring the hurt or pretending it doesn't exist doesn't really help me. So I have to face it so it can go away.

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