Dear Diary,

The past couple of days I've been feeling kind of hopeless. Work has been meager and doctor's bills have been large. I truly have no idea how I will ever gather up enough money to move- it seems impossible!

Despite these unhappy feelings I have gone to the gym four days this week, and two dance classes. I am moving my tired lumpy body all over the place in the hopes of being able to fit in my pants someday. When the laundry situation gets serious, as it is right now, it is almost impossible to find something that fits. My outfits this week have been disappointing to say the least. I have a big ROLL of tummy fat like a spare tire that shows itself even in workout pants. It is bewildering and hurtful. I guess it's just a matter of keepin' on.

I received an email from Emily, after I wrote her a couple times. She said she is not really enjoying herself too much and thinking about coming back here for the summer, that things were "ok but not what I expected" and kind of complicated so it would probably be better explained in a phone call. I'm not really sure what that means- either it's regular homesickness that will fade away or living with Mr G is not all she was (magically) hoping it would be. As you know I would have been shocked to hear that it was going well, but now is not the time to say I told you so.

No word from Alphie, Ben or Marie. I did get one blocked call with no message, but that also could have been my new cable company. No call back from Petra either, even though she had left me that message wanting to explain and talk, or so she said- maybe she is just embarrassed and avoiding. I'm still not sure if she and Michael said that stuff about me. I do know that Alphie definitely has the tendency to exaggerate. In any case it doesn't matter that much because I am re-committing to working on my anger, and keeping better filters when I talk to certain people in that group.

Went to see The Hunger Games tonight with Henry- I liked it, I enjoy going to the movies but don't go very often. Henry got the tickets in advance. I asked him if he wanted me to give him money for my ticket and he waffled between wanting to treat me and "not wanting to fall into gender roles". Ah. He's young so I guess he doesn't really know that real women like to be treated and provided for. Oh well!

I guess that's about it. I am working tomorrow all day.

Love,
Duck

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