Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about writing for quite a while, but I guess thinking a thing and doing a thing are two different things. No doubt.

Trying to get some clarity here, but just feel like I'm always slogging. I quit my job with the old lady, but she desperately wants me to work one day a week. I really don't want to, since she is a severe energy drain, but now I'm not sure what to do for money. I'm still working at Trent's, which I like, but it is housecleaning, which I can only do three or four hours at a time before I'm deeply exhausted. And that really means that at most I can make $40 in a day. And that's not much! As we know.

So I am really torn about the old lady situation. It feels like when I had my pt job in the city- working for somebody who just foils me at every turn, and really just wants to live in their chaos and actually doesn't really want anything to change. And I am tired of her drama and her old lady smell. I'm tired of her complaining, her lack of communication, her chaos and everything that goes with it. When I feel my body I know that every fiber of my being does NOT want to be involved with her. And then my head says, "if you just have one day a week that's $50." Crap! When I worked my pt job I was in the same conundrum. I hated it SO much and felt massive depression about my whole life because I was committed to going there.

Maybe the key is not to sit around and bemoan the fact that I don't have that job, but to really, actively get involved with something else. Okay- I wrote that and just went and looked on Craigslist, which was disappointing, to say the least. This area is VERY small, and there aren't many jobs, and definitely nothing that's jumping out at me!! Now I am afraid I will have to keep that job at least one day. :( Sadness!

Your thoughts, if any?

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